Zaint

I dont know if this is peculiar to the Eastern world. We have this tradition in primary-school, to memorize Math tables. You can hear a musical drone of childrens’ voices, singing / chanting the multiplication tables….”Two-two zaa four…two-three zaa six….two-four zaa eight” etc – and each table, for some reason, would extend upto “sixteen zaa”…. and the tables themselves would go upto “sixteen”..so the end of road for rote is “sixteen-sixteen zaa two-fifty-six”…

‘zaa’ above is short for ‘is-equal-to’ or ‘s-are’ (three-three’s-are-nine)…or just ‘is’.

On that note comes the subject of ‘zaint’.

It would on first sight appear that ‘zaa’ is to ‘is’, as ‘zaint’ is to ‘aint’.

So two-two zaint three.

But ‘zaint’ is more than just aint…The letter ‘zee’ points both sides, on top and bottom of a Pisa like slant.

‘zaint’ has non-definitiveness on both sides of the zee-quation. There is the indeterminacy of mystic “maya”…

Lets illustrate that with a story. Albeit an old one…a recycled version, a ‘green’ story, if you will.

A top-notch Swiss watch manufacturing company was having some problems with the software systems in the watch, and the ‘time’ displayed was not meeting the Swiss standards of accuracy…and so they had to recruit a top-notch software engineer to fix that. They shortlisted a few candidates, and the final interview was being held in Barnhoffestrasse in Zurich (one of the most expensive shopping experiences in the world)…

First candidate was a Britisher. A team of Swiss-Germans were in the interview panel. They asked the candidate – “So, what is two-two zaa?”

The Britisher software engineer was quite outraged that he would be asked such a silly question – one that any British student who has completed high school could answer. He walked out in a huff.

Next candidate was a Frenchman. He was asked the same question – “what is two-two zaa?”. He too was “le suprized”…but he did his surprize well, smiled that most charming smile-francaise and said “Iz four”…

“Good” said the panel, and promised to get back to him after ‘zee two weeks’.

The third candidate was an American. He breezed into the room, jerked the hands off the interview-panel folks in a series of hearty handshakes. He too was asked the same question. The American whipped out his sleek all-in-one handheld gadget, invoked the calculator function, ran the numbers, and said “Ha! Four”, and showed the panel the proof of digital display. The panel was impressed…..”yaa, yaa….technology….exzellent”…And they asked him to wait in the next room, while they saw just one more candidate…..

An Indian….His name was QWERTY Rao.

QWERTY Rao walked in uncertainly, looked at each member in the panel and said “Good Morning” as many times, and fixed his gaze on the one he figured was the Chief of the panel. He too was asked “Mr Rao…what is two-two zaa?”

He walked up and whispered  to the panel chief “What do you want it to be?”

It can be four, zero, forty whatever…It is not material…It is all Maya….its software….

Thats the stuff of “Zaint”…

When you say  “two-two zaint four”, it has mystic connotations on both sides of zaint.

Neither side has anything fixed about it. Two means differently in different contexts….So does four.

If you have understood this, you are ready now to prepare the Balanced-score-card for your department, business-unit or corporation. You are ready for the world of ‘management by metrics’.

What is “Zaa” for science, is ‘Zaint’ for business.

2 Responses to “Zaint”

  1. krishashok Says:

    Hilarious. and yet meaningful. Kurt Godel talks about the inherent/implied meaning of symbols in his theorem and how any statement S which states that “The statement S cannot be proved” creates a paradox that shook mathematics in the 1930s.

  2. Pavan Says:

    This was hilarious.

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